Through new eyes

Throughout the last week and a half, I was gifted tremendously with the visit of my California cousins—my cousin Scott, his wife Trina and their two precious sons, mis primitos, Shea (age 4) and Matthew (age 2). It was a gift to be with family whom I love dearly. It was also a gift to travel to parts of Costa Rica both new and known to me and to see and feel these parts through their eyes.

As I wrote in the previous blog, travel is something that I consider integral to who I am, as I was blessed to be bitten by the travel bug at an early age. Travel is something I feel has shaped who I am, has shaped my worldview and has impassioned me in countless ways in the past, present and, undoubtedly, will continue to do so in the future.

When I first arrived to Costa Rica, I imagined it would be fairly smooth sailing. I had lived before in Mexico and I had traveled to other parts of Latin America. I knew Latin culture and spoke Spanish decently enough to get around safely, to make friends and engage in meaningful conversation, to get the gist of historical happenings and current affairs. And yet I began to experience homesickness. For the first significant time in my life, I experienced homesickness…badly. It was humbling, in the least, as I had taken pride in being someone who could adapt to another culture and who, additionally, could feel impassioned by it. It was that excitement and newness and energy that had so deeply drawn me into life abroad in previous occasions. So what was going on with me this time around?!?

I realized that there were a few major differences that made this time around unique in comparison to my prior experiences. I was entering into life abroad for a longer period of time than I had experienced previously. I was faced with graduate school in Spanish, something for which I was not prepared. I easily became frustrated with the aspects of Latin culture that didn’t coincide with my U.S. culture. But wasn’t I already aware of those differences, if not accustomed? I was constantly comparing and contrasting my home culture with my host culture, something which is necessary in processing your lived reality (and the emotions that accompany that reality) but if taken to the extreme it can be damaging to one’s attempt to authentically live in their host country. I realized that at times I made blanket assumptions about and even statements to Costa Ricans about those comparisons my brain was now so intentionally noting.

I was experiencing culture shock. I was experiencing culture shock when I thought I had already been there and done that in my previous experiences in living and traveling abroad. I mistakenly thought I was beyond culture shock.

Life as a graduate student quickly required incorporating some sort of rhythm and routine if I were to function well in my new “home away from home”. I remember a phone conversation with my brother that took place in my second or third month of living in Costa Rica. I was overwhelmed and flustered with my reality and feeling depressed about my seeming lack of ability to cope with and enjoy and succeed in that reality. Besides telling me to “quit sleeping in so much!”, he asked me, “are you working out?”. “No.” “Start working out regularly. Find yourself a routine for your daily life.” And so I did. And it helped immensely.

Not only did I find myself in a routine but I also found myself in a state of near constant stress with my studies. Occasionally I was able to get away on weekends or short breaks between trimesters to travel to a beach town (a sure fix for this Calgal!) or to one of Costa Rica’s lush rain forests. I spent 5 weeks at home during Christmas and New Year’s, which was one year after my original arrival in Costa Rica, and it was the emotional, mental, spiritual and physical renewal I was so seeking and needing at that point in time in order to come back for year numero dos in Costa Rica.

And what a difference year numero dos has been. I have felt so much more confident in my academic life and in my Spanish. It was as if things started to really “click”. I have felt less frustrated and more joyful. I have critiqued less and lived more. And yet I have still lived a routine that has looked very much like the first year—a routine that has consisted of much time spent sitting in front of my laptop, typing away on papers or my master’s thesis, all of which induced stress and anxiety. Is that really how I envisioned my life abroad?? Didn’t feel all that exotic to me!

It is true that my life abroad in Costa Rica has certainly been very different than my time as a student in Puebla, Mexico, where I traveled every single weekend of my semester and experienced far less academic responsibility and stress. I acknowledge that life as a full-time graduate student, no matter where you are, is not one of excessive free-time. But I am in beautiful Costa Rica—the “pura vida”! Even in the “pure life”, however, it is often just “getting through each day” that fills up one’s time and requires much energy. Numerous conversations with fellow gringos living here in Costa Rica has confirmed this. When asked by our family and friends back home, “but seriously, what is it that you do in Costa Rica every day??”, there’s no better reply than: “I just get through the day. I survive.”

And so, with my classes finished and my thesis defense complete, I entered into this time of travel with my California cousins with much gratefulness and relief. I knew I would enjoy the company immensely, and that I would also enjoy the travel, be it to the familiar or otherwise. And I saw the beauty of this country through their eyes—a beauty that was fresh and exciting. A beauty that captivated and enticed; a beauty that provoked new insight and conversation and even dreams of living life abroad.

I feel as though I have just been romanced anew by this country I have lived in for nearly two years now. Costa Rica is a country that truly does have much beauty—natural beauty as well as a beauty found within its people. It offers waves for my surfer cousin to brag about in the waters back home; it offers lush rain forests and cloud forests which are home to millions of species; it’s full of monkeys and birds, snakes and insects; it’s national beer is worth drinking and it’s gallo pinto of rice and beans and Salsa Lizano for breakfast is worth incorporating into one’s diet back home. The people are friendly and laid-back and sincerely hope you enjoy their country, which they are so very proud of.

As the remaining weeks before my departure are now few enough that a countdown could begin, I am grateful that I have reentered (a revisiting of sorts) that first stage of culture shock: excitement. It is described as the “honeymoon” stage of culture shock. Culture shock is something one experiences and processes through not just once within a certain culture, but many times, each time presenting itself a little differently and, thus, continually allowing for more growth and insight, more challenges and memories, additional opportunities to “learn and listen, to be the happiest and best travel ambassador on Earth”.